Pass Out In A Puddle Of Sick

Welcome back one and all to this week’s instalment of trivial tosh. Enjoy the next few paragraphs delving the depths of my grey matter searching for anything that sounds remotely relevant or makes sense. This week’s random attack on the establishment is all about alcoholic beverages and the surrounding culture that is attached to the consumption of them.

The reputation of the “drinking culture” in the UK is very unfair in my opinion. Most hardworking, honest people like to let their hair down when the time will allow and hit the town centre for a night of socialising and having a laugh with friends. More often than not there will be consumption of alcohol with many drinks being purchased through the night. We do this for a lot of good reasons; one main reason being the crushing inevitability of returning to work in 48 hours or so and alcohol is a good way of taking your mind off it. I think that a small minority of people go out just to get paraletic and pass out in a puddle of sick. These are the images that we see on the TV when a special news report on binge drinking in urban areas is aired, so the whole alcohol culture gets a bad reputation because of a mindless few.

Don’t get me wrong, the mindless few have it right in my opinion. It would be the height of hypocrisy if I condemned actions that I have indeed been guilty of.  If your sole aim when you go out on a messy evening is to drink until you have the balance and co-ordination of a four month old baby, then I applaud you for your dedication to the cause. Think about it for a second with me. We are actually doing the economy a massive favour by blowing our money on alcoholic drinks every time we get a chance. The taxes on drinks are the highest ever so we are contributing to the country’s financial stability and helping the UK post-recession. Alcohol also helps people to come out of their shells socially too. I will be willing to bet everything I have on the fact that most of you readers were conceived as a direct result of Dutch courage. That’s all I will say on that matter because I’m sure the thought of your parents…let’s move on.

Drinking is a great ice breaker for many socially awkward situations, e.g.; first dates, dinner parties, dogging etc. Moderation is the key though when getting shitfaced. Know your limits otherwise you could end up on the wrong side of the law. There is no glory in spending the night in a cell, nor is there any dignity when you get released and have to walk home with soiled, ripped clothes on in the morning. I think we all have woken up in the morning and felt like a grand piano has been dropped on our head due to excessive volumes of alcohol. I for one hate that feeling and promise myself every time that I would never get like that again, although inevitably, I will. Back when I was in my early 20’s an evening’s drinking would have been seen as a failure if I didn’t wake up with a random object in my bed and no idea the chain of events that led to reason why it was there. Memorably I have woken up next to traffic cones, shopping trollies, billboard signs, tree branches and an assorted collection of Volkswagen badges from the front of Golfs and Polos – you know who you are!!!  

Sadly all good things do eventually come to an end and nowadays I have just as much fun in a horizontal position eating cheese balls and watching TV of an evening. Occasionally I will roll back the years and have a messy one with the lads but only when we have organised it around our lives that have taken different directions and developed different responsibilities. Drinking is still the best way to forget the last week of crushing mediocrity and for that reason I am totally in favour of the next generation of 18 – 21 year olds filling their boots and experiencing the world of one night stands, skinny-dipping in duck ponds, trespassing on building sites and shitting in somebody’s front garden. All of these great moments would not have been possible without a good liver bashing from time to time. Thanks for reading and remember my other blog if you can’t wait till next Wednesday for this one - http://clawsofsteel.blogspot.com/2011/12/kitty-slickers-2-meow-it-all-began.html