Welcome back my friends to another edition of saturated satire. Immerse yourself in a world of twisted and soul-starved collections of words formed into sentences that verge on the ridiculous. This week’s fermented turd offering is a Yuletide special, stuffing the proverbial turkey butthole of your intellect and destroying the blanket-covered pig of your senses. Let the festivities begin...
When this time of year comes around many of us feel a sense of tradition and nostalgia towards the festive period. The retro Christmas anthems are uncovered from the cd collection, the dust is blown off the case and the speakers belt out a well known track from Christmas past. The traditional dead bird is in the freezer ready to be thawed, stuffed with a seasoned bread-based mush and cremated in a fan assisted oven for what seems like a lifetime. The kids of the world collectively wake up at 3:30am and venture towards the foot of their bed to see if Santa has left a stash of loot in their stocking. Mums fuss over dinner, dads make sure that the house is at the correct temperature by adjusting the thermostat accordingly and the children contemplate ruining their dinner by eying up the mountain of chocolate that they received from various relatives.
I for one love Christmas. It is the one time of year that I can relax and know that no matter how much I eat or drink I won’t feel guilty for the pleasure. It is Christmas after all. I also love the traditions and rituals that occur at this time of year; the big decorated green tree in the front room, the hanging up of Christmas cards around the house to show how popular we are and the giving/receiving of presents to loved ones. The main part of Christmas day I enjoy is the dinner. The roast potatoes, the turkey, the pigs in blankets, the stuffing, the gravy and the vegetables. I also love the pulling of crackers at the start of the meal. The anticipation of what is inside is overwhelming, but it usually is a miniature deck of cards or a cup with a ball on a string. Don’t get me wrong they both sound like hours of fun, but probably not what I was imagining to be inside. You also get a superb joke in many crackers along with a fine hand-made paper hat with a lucky dip choice of colours.
Some don’t stick to these awesome traditions. Some take it upon themselves to veer away from the normal and do something different for the big day. These people are at the cutting edge of holiday celebration, but I pity these people in a way. My sister and her man, for instance, decided to open all of their presents on Christmas Eve last year. I couldn’t believe what they were doing as I sat there watching them destroy a whole year of waiting the day before. Do they have no self control? It was only another 12 or so hours that they had to wait. The thing that got to me most was the fact that they felt as if they hadn’t done anything wrong. What they did was like purposefully avoiding the outcome of a TV show because you missed it and have it taped ready for your next free moment. Then on your way home to watch it reading the entire story before get through the front door. It’s madness!! Why buy Christmas presents for each other if you’re not going to open them on Christmas day? You might as well call them “the day before Christmas presents.”
Oh well, the day is nearly upon us and soon we will be getting ready for another year. It is scary how quickly the last decade came and went. We are already two years into this decade. Soon we will be welcoming in 2012 and making promises to ourselves in the forms of resolutions, only to break them in a moment of weakness within three or four days. Time to wrap this up now so may I take this opportunity to say to all of my readers have a fantastic Christmas and thank you for all of the great comments about my blog. It is because of this superb feedback that I am still writing these posts weekly and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Thanks again.
Have a great christmas mate. Always a pleasurable read.
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