The Importance Of Being Idle

Welcome back my loyal readers for some more light hearted dollops of comedy slush. I’m here to distract you for a few paragraphs from the crushing inevitability of your own eventual deaths. This week I am going to analyse something that I have been guilty of on more than one occasion, the subject is procrastination. To procrastinate – to delay ones task or put off something one should be doing. Alternatively in my case – to watch TV or browse the internet instead of writing my blog or novel.

I believe that there are two sides to every story. We have to be motivated to do anything in life, you can’t just wake up one morning and suddenly you’re a changed person. My motivation to go to work, for instance, is the prospect of eviction and financial ruin. I don’t have the luxury of millions of inherited pounds to fall back on so I just get on with it. All of my daily goals require motivation, it’s in my nature to put off less important things and prioritise the more vital things, like breathing and scratching an itchy area of skin. The putting off of some tasks can be misconstrued as laziness. Shame on all who dare to call it that. It takes a hell of a lot more of an effort to have something in the back of your mind and ignore it than to actually do something about it. Imagine a world where we all did everything on time and to the best of our ability. There would be no praise for improvement and no surprises or appreciation. Just ruthless precision and constantly boring efficiency. In short, we would be the German national football team of the 80’s and 90’s.

It is our basic human right to procrastinate, but there is a time and a place. If you consistently procrastinated at work you would eventually be fired, or if you kept putting off the housework or washing up you would feel the stiletto up your ass. If I’m lying on the sofa and there is a lawn to be mowed, the more attractive option is to keep lying on the sofa. If I’m in bed watching repeats of Top Gear on Dave and I need to take a pee, I wouldn’t go straight away. I would put it off until my bladder starts hurting or the adverts come on, whichever comes first. Personally, I don’t see how anyone develops the motivation to do anything on their day off work. It’s such a great period of time where I get to choose what I want to do, usually not a lot. Today, for instance, I have barely managed an acceptable combination of clothes to wear in case there is a knock at the door. It has been a relatively good day off, plenty of rest and relaxation and lots of me time. It has been just me and the cat chilling together.

I think that if most people made a bucket list they wouldn’t get round to doing most of the things on the list. I know for a fact that if I wrote; paragliding, white water rafting, swimming with dolphins or make a porno, I would only half-heartedly attempt one of those things. I just need a camera, a group of promiscuous teenagers and a white water rafting instructor.

I must now take a step away from defending procrastination and look at the alternative; getting things out of the way and moving on. I do like to see results of my labour, which is why I usually fail in attempts to lose weight or get fit. I like instant rewards for hard work but that isn’t possible on the weight loss subject. It is a lifestyle, a gradual change that the body makes over a long period of consistently keeping to a regime. It is a mind-set that is really hard to stick to in this day and age. Everything is instant. If you click on something on your laptop, it opens instantly. If you order a cod and chips at the local chip shop, it comes within a few minutes. We are used to things just coming to us and not having to wait.

We all have varying degrees of motivational issues, I just happen to be a professional at leaving it till the last minute. This very blog was meant to go out hours ago, but I keep getting up to make cups of tea and do anything else. This is why I have arrived at this subject, although it was suggested to me by someone who was being ironic. Well I feel like I have won because I have stretched it over five paragraphs and made a post out of it – victory for irony. Speaking of which, I must do my ironing at some point. Meh, it can wait.

There is a special treat for all you blog readers next week so make sure you keep up to date. Plus there is a podcast in the pipeline. I will keep you posted and thanks for reading.