Wake Up and Smell The Triple Cheese and Bacon Burger!!!

Welcome back to another post filled with an economical amount of laughs to the gallon, a turbo fuel injected smattering of immaturity married with a dash of traction controlled thought provocation. Many people around the world read my blog, which is a surprise to me in many ways due to the uncultured style of my writing. Nevertheless I have audiences as far as France, Germany, Spain, Russia, Sweden, Australia and USA. I have even received hits in Macedonia, Slovenia and Latvia. To all of these readers I humbly welcome you and hope that you enjoy my quintessentially English personality mixed with borderline mental retardation. The responses that I have received in the months that I have been posting are overwhelmingly positive and I thank everyone that has taken the time to read and comment on this blog.

This week I am going to talk about dieting and fitness. I am a big guy, cuddly some might say. I have a few extra pounds that I could do with shedding but I always find some excuse to put off doing anything about it. Sure I make New Year’s resolutions and plan to eat less and exercise more but in the end I pick up the fork and put down the pedometer. I wouldn’t say that I am unhealthy though. I get plenty of vegetables from meals prepared by our live-in chef – my sister’s boyfriend and I play football up to four times a week. The amount of running I do in training on Monday alone is sufficient as it is indoors and you tend to sweat a lot.

I refuse to watch weight loss programmes on telly. These shows are sometimes detrimental to what they are trying to achieve. They stick a 30 stone thing in front of the screen; the gender is irrelevant as the genitals are lost in rolls of fat, tell them that unless they stop eating they will die and show the audience that there is a person behind all the flab. From a glancing view that doesn’t seem that damaging. Well imagine someone watching the show is 20 stone. You can guarantee they will be sitting there thinking, “Well at least I’m not that fat.” Then continuing with their delusional life. A lot of overweight people delude themselves into thinking that they have a condition that makes them fat, like water retention or a glandular problem. Wake up and smell the triple cheese and bacon burger!!! You got that way purely because of one reason; you have eaten more than your metabolism can handle and haven’t burned off the necessary calories in order to stay the same weight and size, fact.

Obesity is a subject that has been splashed all over the media recently, with statistics and articles supporting the feeling that more and more people have developed weight problems. We see headlines about growing numbers of obese people in the UK and the conditions that develop as a direct result. Most common conditions are diabetes or back and joint strains, which in turn affect the resources of the NHS. Brilliant, so I have to wait in a queue behind the stay-puffed marshmallow man and some shop-mobility scooter woman before I get to see my GP? It really winds me up when I see people getting around town in shop-mobility scooters just because they are huge. Blocking isles with their big arses and smelling of stale body odour. They only get clean if they drive their scooters through a jet wash.  

The old saying is, “You can’t have your cake and eat it.” This has now been modified for today’s target audience; “You can’t have your cake until you finish your pack of Maryland cookies and mini Swiss rolls.” I am a known crispaholic and I accept that I consume far too much Doritos and cheese balls. They are my vice and as an addict I realise that I have a problem. To counteract this condition I rarely eat chocolate bars, cakes or biscuits so yay me!!! Anyway, time to wrap this up so thanks for reading and until next week...