As titles go, sure there are better ones, but none that capture the very essence of Garethism. It describes me and my pull on people. Many know what they are going to receive from me as a person, some don't, but all definitely are intrigued with what will happen when my mouth opens. So they pull the proverbial finger. I say to that one thing, it's your own fault!!!
You have to expect the worst when controversial subjects arise around me, even if I don't mean to offend, I amuse myself by making the atmousphere in the room a little awkward. It's funny...to me. Toes curl and eyes wince, people don't know where to look so they look at me. They look at me to see 1. If its ok to laugh and 2. If I'm feeling as embarrased as they are. In all honesty it should be a no to both. If you laugh I'm afraid you have stooped to my level of immaturity and there is no going back from there. If I look as embarrased as you then it is quite possible I have taken it too far, and in the process I am looking at you, embarrased for you that you haven't changed the subject in time. Number 2 rarely happens, if at all, because I am an honest and open fella who tends to playfully step on toes that are hanging off their metaphorical metatarsals. If there is a situation where the tension needs breaking then I'm your man, not only do I divert all destinations of anger towards me I also produce the perfect remedy to "awkward silences". We have all had them and most people feel really uncomfortable when participating in this expressionless sport. I for one absolutely adore awkward silences, it gives me a enormous sense of superiority and I will tell you why - I have what they call verbal diarrhea, which means I never run out of things to say, in any situation. This makes awkward silences fantastic to participate in. I just sit there and watch as everyone becomes increasingly uncomfortable. I have the power to break the tension any time but the longer the silence goes on the more I enjoy the squirming and fidgeting going on in the room. This may sound cruel to the less evil amongst you but I believe my own entertainment easily out-weighs other's misery. Plus it is only cicumstantial misery, not long term. I suppose if I did it to the same person for a sutained amount of time they may be affected mentally long term so I use this power responsibly.
Anyway, I was talking about the diversion of anger. I believe in the idea that two wrongs do make a right. If somebody says something offensive which they truely didn't mean to cause offence by, I believe they deserve a second chance to take the words they said back and to move on. That is where I believe I can be of use. Instead of them admitting that what they said was bad and as a result they apologise, they should pass the buck onto me. I can immediatey defuse the situation by saying something even more offensive - but funny. If you are going to attempt this technique then know your audience first. It's no good having this fool-proof information if you say it to a ward of sick children or a room of Women's Institute members. This is lost on these people I'm afraid. Try it out on mates first, then mates' girlfriends, then who knows? The world is your oyster.
This blog wasn't meant to be a "useful tips" page but if you can learn something then whats the harm? I think that you should never take yourself too seriously and receive everything in good humour, unless they are trying to physically harm you. You should probably fight back then, if they are smaller than you. If I say something that sounds a bit close to the line it usually is a poor attempt at humour. I try to get a reaction no matter what kind of reaction I get. Either way the bate was taken, any reaction is a good reaction. You could replace the whole 3 paragraphs in any situation with me "breaking wind" and you would get the same reaction. It creates awkward situations, it is bound to make sick children sicker and as for the 2 wrongs bit, if someone guffed it wouldn't be pleasant, but if I squeezed one out immediately after them it would divert the anger to me. Plus I would be very entertained and relieved. See...it works on so many levels. In summary, you know you shouldn't but you can't help but pull my finger.
Thanks for reading...
No comments:
Post a Comment