Wearing Nothing But My Casio Calculator Watch

Welcome back to my naughty step on the staircase that is the World Wide Web. What a response I got upon my return for my last post. 74 hits in the first two hours of it being published and that number has been steadily growing since. I guess this blog’s popularity is coupled with the fact that some of you have gone cold turkey from here for some time as my previous post was August 2012. You thought you were off it for good but you couldn’t resist one last score of sweet unadulterated class A immaturity. Now you are hooked again and will be looking for your fix each week to take the edge off of the mundane and boring nine to five. Fortunately my opinion of myself isn’t that high, in fact self loathing and non-satisfaction comes as standard. Especially after I have polished off a full Dominos pizza to myself, along with garlic bread and chicken kickers. I know full well why you guys keep coming back for more...Lack of options and boredom. To that I say fair enough so enjoy another piece of absolute excrement disguised as literature...

I wish I could go back to being a kid again with all of the knowledge and life experience that I have now. I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to be an adult inside my body at an infant age. To start with, I would be the smartest in my class by a mile...well I would hope to at least be in the top five anyway. My social skills at around nine or ten years old were probably not great, so I would love to go back and strike up an intelligent conversation with one of my teachers or try and beat them in a debate. I would be the best football player at break times, tell the best jokes and ace every exam. The main thing I would be able to do right as a kid is to actually do things and actually enjoy them for what they were. There is no way I could fit into one of those little plastic pedal cars nowadays, nor would I be able to run around the garden on a hot summer afternoon jumping in and out of a paddling pool wearing nothing but my Casio calculator watch. I probably could still do the latter of the two but society and the law tends to frown upon this behaviour in a 28 year old man.

I suspect that I would find it easier to concentrate on things like homework and extracurricular activities too. The amount of times I would be kept back at break times due to me not doing my homework the night before was unprecedented, easily a school record for its time. I had a very short attention span back then and only really made an effort to complete something when there was an incentive at the end. I remember one year spending my whole summer holiday mornings in Germany with my grandparents doing maths workbooks due to the threat of me being held back a year. If I were to go back now I would have done things different dramatically. This is not to say that I am not proud of my upbringing and the choices I have made, I am merely suggesting that with the mind that I have developed and the life skills in place, given the chance to be a kid again and have all of that in my head I would be a fool to do things exactly how I did them when I didn’t know any better.

I am thankful for the hand that I have been dealt. My life is certainly something that I will never complain about when things are put into perspective. I am staring the big 30 in the face in a little over 17 months and with that is bound to come a few important questions that will need serious thought and answers. Where am I going? What am I doing with my life? Questions that I will have to keep pressuring myself into answering. I haven’t got a clue what I am going to tell myself and frankly I am offended that my brain would go there on my birthday of all days. I am as confident and insecure as the next guy that comes along so I will just have to make sure that when my time comes to shine I shine the brightest. Thanks for reading...