Walking Like They Need An Emergency Poo

Welcome back my readers to a belated edition of my blog. Saturday may have to be the new regular post day due to my new busy lifestyle, apologies if this throws your literature schedule out of the window. It is always my aim to give you an incite into my thoughts without driving you to a near death experience in the process. These posts aren't meant to lead a new cult of people who tolerate less and demand more, far from it. These posts hopefully provide food for thought and a view that you may have kept hidden hoping to never unearth.This week I am just going to start typing and, at the end, not read what I have written but just post it. It's a little more like my early posts where I have absolutely no idea what I am going to write and no idea of the consequences as a result.  I will continue on the British theme, this week it is about Brits abroad and how other countries perceive our millions of holiday makers.

I have not been abroad in a while and when I do I usually go to a Greek island or Spain. I am not a well travelled man, in fact I have never left Europe. When I visit these other countries I am usually too drunk to realize where I am, let alone take in the culture and sights. The places I go to are usually dead during the day and rammed with drunk people at night. The streets are awash with loud rugby players or football fans wearing the same tops but with nicknames on the back. Names like Chewbacca, Knob jockey, Custard Cream, The Fridge and Count Duckular are among the Neanderthal mess of the "strip" that you will find on a lads holiday. The "ladies" are a delight too. Many end up lying down covered in a mixture of donar kebab and vomit with legs akimbo advertising their "feminine side." This is obviously the extreme interpretation of events on a small percentage of some pretty great holidays, but it does make you wonder what these foreign countries think when they see these atrocities. Perhaps they are glad for the revenue generated and don't complain, but something tells me we are treading a fine line.

Most holiday makers go to historical sights in cities with a rich history and heritage. Places like Rome, Madrid, Berlin or Milton Keynes. I would be very interested in seeing these places and finding out about ancestral history and crap like that. This stuff fascinates me a lot and the first thing I think of when planning a well deserved holiday from thinking and working is to go to a place that involves loads of walking and learning. If your not picking up on these sarcastic undertones you're beyond help. I am actually very content to stay in my green and pleasant land and get wasted by the seaside. I can learn about Greek mythology and Roman empires in a library, I don't feel the need to return to the scene of the crime. I suppose this interest is developed with age, so I will wait until I am old and feel guilty that I know nothing about my planet.

I am going to try and put myself inside the head of a native when they see the next freshmen of UK residents invading their neighborhood for seven days. What would my first impressions be when I see a coach load of pasty white fat people who clearly don't know their size with regards to clothes, holding brochures highlighting points of interest in hand, digital cameras suspended from their necks, back packs strapped to each bingo wing, bum bags containing travelers cheques, caked in sun cream and walking like they need an emergency poo. I'm not sure how I would feel about that really. Probably not ecstatic.

I love the mad scramble for duty free products at the airport. We love a bargain here in the UK, even if the items we purchase are relatively useless. Why do we go mad about saving a few quid on products we wouldn't buy normally? I just don't get why people feel the need to buy massive bottles of cologne or perfume when they are only spending a bit less and probably wont use it. Alcohol and cigarettes are dirt cheap in this country as well so there really is no need. Oh wait a minute, no their not they are extortionate and well over priced!!! I have a suggestion, sell duty free petrol at airports then maybe we could get something we need. Thanks for reading and remember Saturday is now the regular post day...